I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
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