I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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