I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
