Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
