Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
