If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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