honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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