i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
