He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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