its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
