If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
