no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
