He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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