There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
