It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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