my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
