too bad you live with your parents still
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
