Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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