in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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