There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
