Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize