i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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