you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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