I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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