R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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