oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
