Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
