I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
