I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
