just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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