I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
