i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
