No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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