I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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