It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
