Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
