Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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