I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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