By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
