I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
