Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
