Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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