There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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