adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
