Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
