i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
