STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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