There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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