I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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