Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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