I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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