C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
