I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
