she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
