I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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