Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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