Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
