You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
