So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
