I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this is an emotional support booty call
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
