thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
