so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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