if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
