she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize