my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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