You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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