it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
