I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can Purell be used as lube?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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