so explain again why im purple
no
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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