Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
