My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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