There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
