My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
