if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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