i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
