tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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