Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
