so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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