So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize