$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
