Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize