yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
