Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
