we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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