Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
