I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
