on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
