I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
