Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
