I am puke
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
