3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
