I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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