I heard we made out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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