dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
