found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
