so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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