I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
