just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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