Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
