I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize