Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
But theres a keg here and me gusta
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
