dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
